


[Meta] Boy Meets World: An Inconsistently Detailed Episode Guide

by zelempa



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Episode Review, Meta, Recap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4948678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelempa/pseuds/zelempa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome, friends, to this, a tribute to my own devotion to the television show Boy Meets World. For a long time, I watched it. Then, I began writing down brief opinions and summaries on some of the episodes from memory. Finally, my obsession entered a new stage. I taped several late-night episodes while I slept and then watched the tapes the next day, pausing frequently to be sure I got every detail, every highlight. Because this episode guide was created at so many different stages, and with so many different levels of interest, it truly is: AN INCONSISTENTLY DETAILED EPISODE GUIDE. Please enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2-1 Back 2 School

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote the bulk of this on summer break from college in 2004. I was living at home with my parents, Disney was showing reruns of Boy Meets World--it was deeply regressive. (The summary above was written at the time. I really did tape them, like, on VHS.) I was ostensibly teaching myself to make a database, creating entries for episodes, characters, and quotes. Along the way, I was teaching myself to recap. 
> 
> I originally posted this on my comedy website at the time, Lance and Eskimo. You can still go to the URL (lanceandeskimo.com/bmw), but the database is broken; I rescued the text from the Wayback Machine. The episode guide was never complete, but it's now less complete as I've removed some episodes that were written by others, and which I don't have permission to reproduce.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn attend their first day of high school and meet bullies.

## 2-1 Back 2 School

 **Original Air Date:** 1993-09-23

 **Writer:** David Kendall

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn attend their first day of high school and meet bullies.

**Extendo Summary:**

It's Cory and Shawn's first day of high school (seventh grade-- their high school supposedly covers six years). Shawn tries to make himself look older by gluing sideburns to his face, while Cory's plan is to make friends with the school bully, Harley Keiner. Eric, who is a junior, makes Cory sign a contract promising never to speak to him during school hours.

Upon entering John Adams High, Cory and Shawn are assaulted by Frankie and Joey, a pair of bullies. (Frankie is the big guy from Mall Rats, and Joey is the little, ratlike one.) While they escape unscathed, they are nervous and jumpy, and they jump and scream when Topanga walks up and taps them on the shoulder. She has long, wavy hair and a little pert bosom; Shawn notes that "summer was very good to [her]." Topanga exposits that it's time for homeroom and that they all have Mr. Turner in room 218.

When a long-haired man with an earring and a motorcycle jacket enters the now-familiar "school hallway" set, Cory pegs him as Harley. Cory immediately tries to ingratiate himself with the man, promising to be his friend, but the man just wants him to do his homework: "I want all my students to do my homework." It's Mr. Turner, the new English teacher.

English class. Mr. Turner spouts Cool Teacher Policy dialogue. Cory interrupts to say "Cool." Mr. Turner asks if he's a troublemaker, and Cory says that role belongs to Shawn. Turner identifies Shawn and asks him if he knows anything about The Odyssey, thus establishing the new Season 2 trend of literary tie-ins. Cory is reading an X-Men comic. Turner takes it, praises the X-Men to lame Cory's shock and delight, and assigns everyone to read the issue, even though it's a public school and those comic books cost money. He wants all the students to read it and The Odyssey for the next day (a weighty assignment I wouldn't even expect in college), when Cory will lead the discussion on similarities and differences. Cory decides that Turner is "Feeny with an earring."

Next period, cruel fate intervenes. Shawn is in Earth Science and Cory is in History. Devastated at their separation, Cory finds Eric to complain about his day. Eric denies knowing him. Cory then runs into Harley and tries to get in good with him. Harley wants Cory to change his name to "Johnny Baboon." A jittery hall monitor type bustles up and asks their names; when Cory says "Johnny Baboon," the hall monitor sends both Cory and Harley to the principal's office. The principal turns out to be none other than Mr. Feeny. Cory also discovers that Mr. Feeny is his next period history teacher. Just give up, Core--there's no getting away from that guy. Harley threatens to beat Cory up after school for getting him in trouble.

At lunch, Cory frets. Shawn asks Eric for help. Eric clandestinely meets Cory at a water fountain and tells him to fake illness, go to the nurse, and get their parents to pick him up. Cory thinks that's a coward's escape, but when Harley storms in on the warpath, Cory is convinces that the coward's escape is for him. Waiting for the nurse, Cory meets a pair of nerds who confide in him their plan of getting picked up from the nurse's office every day for the rest of high school. Cory changes his mind and decides to confront Harley. I don't know why he doesn't just go home.

Waiting for Harley in the hallway, Cory asks Turner if Odysseus ever makes it home. Turner confirms that he does instead of saying "Read the book" like a normal teacher. Cory thinks high school is harder than Odysseus's trials. Turner exits, and Harley shows; but before any violence happens, Eric comes leaping over the bannister like a white knight, ready to defend his brother. It does no good, however, and Harley is about to pound them both when Mr. Turner returns. Somehow, he intimidates Harley ("Could I take you?" Harley asks, and Mr. Turner says "No," even though I think Harley could totally take him). Cory is grateful. Turner says to read the book and Cory claims, "I lived it!", even though the parallels are tenuous at best. Shawn makes out with a girl in a locker.

**Quotes:**

"Mrs. Matthews. You just can't accept the fact that Cory and I are growing up. And we're old enough now to... buy our own hair."  -- Shawn[  
](https://web.archive.org/web/20110613154400/http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/bmw/index.php?characterid=2)

**Highlights:**

  * Cory and Shawn exchange and elaborate secret handshake that involves a lot of synchronized dancing. 

  * A pretty junior friend of Eric's notices Shawn and Shawn gets all giggly.

  * Cory says that Harley doesn't have to bully; Harley responds in mock seriousness, "Here I stand at the crossroads of my life."




**Slashy Subtext:** Frankie continually ceases mid-bully to wander off and contemplate his sexuality.

 **Episode Themes:** Life Imitates Literature, The Bullies

 **Rating:** 3\. A big leap up from season 1, but pretty solidly average in the grand scheme of the Boy Meets World ouevre. A little low on comedy-- well, good comedy-- but necessarily busy as it sets up the high school and the new cast of characters.

 

 


	2. 2-2 Pairing Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory wants a girlfriend; Eric gets caught making out with a girl on his parents' bed.

## 2-2 Pairing Off

 **Original Air Date:** 1994-09-30

 **Writer:** Glen Merzer

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory wants a girlfriend; Eric gets caught making out with a girl on his parents' bed.

**Extendo Summary:**

Cory is upset because it seems like everyone else is "pairing off" except for him. Other kids make out in the halls. Shawn can toss his hair and attract girls from across crowded rooms ("I have a thirty foot range"). Topanga can do the same, but with her hair and boys. Even Mr. Turner and Mr. Feeny have female teachers to impress. Cory wants to go out with a safe girl whom he already knows, but Topanga flat-out shoots him down, showing absolutely no interest in changing their current level of friendship, and seeming slightly repulsed by him. I like their relationship this way.

After school, Eric brings home a new girl, Rebecca. Amy meets her and then takes Morgan to soccer practice. Rebecca immediately starts hinting that she'd like to go upstairs. A few moments later, Cory walks in on them making out in his parents' bedroom. Rebecca, whose motivations I don't understand, says it's "best that we didn't go any further than we did" and refuses Eric's invitations to stay and study. She leaves. Eric is mad at Cory, but Cory uses his position of power (knowing that Eric did a Bad Thing) to get Eric to tell him girl impressing techniques. Eric tells him to "look at her. Look into her. Look through her... Make her believe that she's the most exquisite thing your eyes have ever beheld."

The next day, Cory tries his new staring technique on a blonde girl from his English class. While it doesn't come off exactly as planned, she does agree to go out with him the next day after school.

That night, Amy and Alan get ready for bed. Amy worries that some of the paintings in the gallery where she apparently works are too risque for the "garden club" crowd. Alan tries to relax her with some good lovin', but Amy lie down on a giant tacky earring that appears to me at first glance to be a big keychain. Amy does not jump to the conclusion that Alan is having an affair, which Alan considers an affront to his virility, but instead correctly deduces that it belongs to Eric's girlfriend. Amy and Alan go to Eric and Cory's room to lecture Eric about sex. Cory tells them about Eric's staring technique, which they find distasteful. They tell him to forget about it and go back to what he used to know about women, which is nothing.

The next day Cory tells his date that going out doesn't feel right, but he wants to get to know her as friends. Which is apparently touching.

**Highlights:**

  * In health class, Shawn doesn't know the names of female reproductive organs, but he does know "what [he's] got"... "Or at least, what I call them."

  * Cory on sex: "Now, the man's got the sperm and the woman's got the egg. Once a month, an egg slides down the Phillipine tube to the uterus. The first sperm to reach the egg wins, he gets a medal, he's born, you name him Cory, you push him out the door and nothing makes sense for the rest of his life."




**Rant:** Because no episode is complete without a literary parallel, Mr. Turner attempts to teach the class about Tom Jones. Okay, that's just ridiculous. (1) It's full of sex, which would not be cool in a seventh grade classroom. (2) It's ridiculously difficult for twelve year olds. 18th century English is hard for modern readers; I mean, I can't even really understand it now without making a great effort, and I love antiquated fiction. No wonder nobody's paying attention to Mr. Turner. Every week, he assigns a new college-level assignment to these poor kids.

 **The more you know:** Amy works in an art gallery.

 **Episode Themes:** Life Imitates Literature, Cool Eric

 **Rating:** 3\. Another pretty average episode: enjoyable, but lacking in stellar moments.

 

 


	3. 2-3 Notorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn pulls a prank, and Cory must turn him in or be punished.

##  **2-3 Notorious**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-10-07

 **Writer:** Jeffrey C. Sherman

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Shawn pulls a prank, and Cory must turn him in or be punished.

**Extendo Summary:**

Eric's girlfriend, Molly, is the editor of the school paper. Cory and Shawn come by the paper office for a ride while Molly is doing some final proofing on the computer. While the couple is out of the room, Cory and Shawn play around with the front page, on which the awful headline is "New Principle is Feeny". Cory changes it to "Teeny," and Shawn shuffles various letters until he discovers "Weeny." Both are amused. Shawn thinks if they leave it, they will become notorious pranksters, revered for the resto of their high school careers. Cory doesn't want to go through with it; he changes the "W" back to an "F" and heads out. Shawn lingers, considering.

The paper comes out, and sure enough it says "Weeny". Most kids seem impressed with the prank, but nobody knows that Shawn did it. Molly thinks that Eric did it, so she dumps him. Mr. Feeny asks for anybody with information to come to him, but Shawn has no such intention. Cory hopes that the whole thing will get explained away as a typo and that nobody will get in trouble. But the next day the prank goes further: Shawn has repainted Mr. Feeny's door so that it says "Weeny." Cory is horrified.

Feeny accuses Cory of the pranks because he was seen at the scene of the crime with another boy. Cory denies his guilt; Feeny believes him but knows that he knows who the guilty party is. Feeny says he will suspend Cory unless he rats out his friend.

Also, Turner happens to be lecturing on _The Scarlet Letter._

Cory discusses the matter with his parents. His father thinks that morally, he shouldn't, but his mother points out that a suspension could hurt his college applications, and his father agrees, even though they totally wouldn't care if you got suspended in seventh grade, and anyway, college applications give you space to let you explain situations like that in your own words. But I digress. Cory also talks to Mr. Turner who points out that Mr. Feeny is new in the school just like himself and Cory, and that a nickname like that could be damaging. Feeny himself explains that the prank undermines his authority. Cory understands, but still refuses to implicate anyone. Feeny doesn't mind-- and actually admits he's proud of Cory-- because he's not just the principle; he's Cory's Friend. He still gives Cory detention, though. And he tricks Shawn into confessing.

Meanwhile, Eric finds a new girlfriend, an irritating Georgian who makes him her slave. Jason makes an appearance and tries in vain to get Eric to stop letting her use him. But he doesn't!

**Highlights:**

  * Cory explains his and Shawn's lab rats, named after themselves: "Shawn's the one trying to chew through the lock, and I'm the one with the skin disease."
  * Cory explains the situation to his parents. Amy keeps interrupting to confirm that the friend in question is Shawn; Cory keeps denying it. Finally Alan says "If he says it's not Shawn, I believe him." Cory, immediately: " _Obviously_ it's Shawn!"



**The more you know:** Shawn blew up a mailbox last year.

 **Episode Themes:** Life Imitates Literature, Feeny as Human

 **Rating:** 3\. Meh.


	4. 2-4 Me and Mr. Joad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn lead a strike at school.

##  **2-4 Me and Mr. Joad**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-10-14

 **Writer:** Jeff Menell

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn lead a strike at school.

**Extendo Summary:**

We open on a morning in the Matthews kitchen. Cory is reading the _Grapes of Wrath_ for class (albeit backwards, page by page). Eric is still going out with Desiree, and still, as his mom puts it, "terminally WHIPPED!" He resists Amy's and Jason's attempts to get him to play basketball with his friends instead of tending to every whim of Desiree's.

In English class, Mr. Turner gets fed up with the kids asking questions about the test-- what will be on it, when is it, etc. He says if the kids can show in class discussion that they know the material, there won't be a test. The kids exit thrilled at the prospect of no test.

At lunch, Mr. Feeny questions Mr. Turner's methods. He believes that if the kids think there won't be a test, they won't do the reading. Feeny suggests that Turner give the test anyway. If the kids pass, Feeny will concede that tests are sometimes optional, and if they fail, Turner will continue to test on everything.

The next day in class, Turner tries to give the test, saying that it's not really a test, just a "survey" of how much they know. When the kids object, Turner blames Feeny and says he couldn't changed the system overnight. Cory gets angry and hands back the test paper. Shawn, and then the other kids, follow suit. Mr. Feeny enters to gloat and to show Turner who's boss by making the kids take the test. But he fails. Cory makes a speech about forming a union and leads the class out of the room, with himself and Shawn at the front singing "Look For the Union Label." Turner gloats, a little.

The kids congregate and chant in the cafeteria. Mr. Feeny decides to give their little strike consequences. He calls through a megaphone that he's cancelling the seventh grade dance and the football season. The kids are dejected. Cory thinks they should continue fighting, and he and Shawn march out; but the rest of the kids give in and go back to class.

In the halls, Jason tries to get Eric to play basketball next Thursday. Desiree enters and insists that Eric take her to the new mall on Thursday. Eric finally gets fed up and breaks up with Desiree. "You've gotten everything you wanted out of this relationship, what was I going to get?" Desiree kisses him passionately, then says "Goodbye forever" and walks out. Jason calls Eric an idiot.

Cory and Shawn hang out at the Matthews living room, watching TV. Amy and Eric enter, and express their anger at the boys for walking out. The doorbell rings. It's Mr. Turner; he's decided to stop by and try to sort things out, since the whole to-do started in his class. He asks Cory and Shawn why they walked out, and Cory explains that he thought he should stand up for himself like the people in the book. In the kitchen, Turner points out the differences in their situation: they're just kids, they're being protected and taught at school. They're not out in "the real world" as the Joads were. Nor are things nearly as dire for them. Amy and Eric come in and Eric says they can go to school and abide by the school rules, or go out into "the real world" and get jobs or starve.

Chastened, the boys walk across the street where Mr. Feeny is gardening and apologize for walking out. They parrot the stuff the adults told them about how they don't deserve to strike because they are not out in "the real world". They reference the book, though, and say they read it. Feeny believes them. The kids walk inside. Mr. Turner thanks Mr. Feeny for teaching the boys "a life lesson."

In the end credit sequence, Eric wants to shoot hoops but Jason is being paged by Desiree. The enemies have become dysfunctional lovers! Jason explains, "I'm only in it for the break-up kiss."

**Quotes:**

"I am not elfin. I am a human being!"  --Jason[ **  
**](https://web.archive.org/web/20110613154149/http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/bmw/index.php?characterid=10)

**Highlights:**

  * Turner: "If I'da done to me what I did to them I'da done the same thing to me that they did to me."  
Feeny: "Go to the board and diagram that sentence."
  * Shawn does a perfect scream of anguish ("NOOOOOO!") when Feeny cancels the football team. He is upset at the loss of "his girls," the cheerleaders.
  * A musical number! Cory marches out of the cafeteria, singing "Look for, the union label..." Shawn joins him and Cory sings "Is anybo-dy, behind you, my Shawn?"   
Shawn sings (rather poorly, but with spirit) "I gotta tell you, there's no one with us, we're all alone here, I'm gonna bail."  
Cory: "You better not."  
Shawn: "Oh yes I am!"  
Cory: "Oh no no no!"  
Shawn: "Oh yes yes yes!"  
(Cory pulls Shawn out the door, despite his protests.)
  * Turner, in a leather jacket and holding his motorcycle helmet, introduces himself to Amy as Cory's English teacher.  
Amy: "You wear a helmet?"  
Turner: "I fall off the desk a lot."



**Observations:** Topanga is not in this episode. An unnamed black-haired girl occupies her usual desk in front of Cory's.

 **Episode Themes:** Life Imitates Literature, Cory and Shawn Hijinks, Feeny Teaches a Lesson

 **Rating:** 3\. I think season two is a season of solid 3s.


	5. 2-5 The Uninvited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory is invited to a party, and Shawn isn't.

##  **2-5 The Uninvited**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-10-21

 **Writer:** Susan Estelle Jansen

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory is invited to a party, and Shawn isn't.

**Extendo Summary:**

For the first time ever, dorky Cory is invited to Melissa Harrington's party and cool Shawn isn't. After he gets over the shock, Cory wonders if should he go to a party that Shawn isn't invited to. He wants to, because it makes him feel cool that he was invited; after all, Melissa Harrington is "the coolest girl in seventh grade." Mr. Turner tells Cory not to get carried away by what other people think, "cause that wouldn't be cool".

Eric makes fun of Cory for thinking he's cool because he was invited to a party. His parents give him the third degree about why Shawn isn't invited and he is. His dad says, "It's cool not to forget who your real friends are."

Cory gets to the party; besides Melissa, the only people there are chess team boys. He realizes he's the coolest guy there. "It's a geek party!" he screams in horror.

Melissa explains that her parents wen over her guest list and cut all the cool people. "Shawn was the first person off the list. Mom and Dad say that guys like Shawn are a little... unpredictable." Cory tries to prove he's unpredictable by shouting "BLAH!" Melissa tells Cory he's totally P.A.: "Parentally acceptable."

Melissa's friend comes to tell her about a cool party happening elsewhere; both girls leave. Cory goes to break the news to the geeks about the party's lack of coolness. They don't mind; "Parties come and parties go, but you always have your friends." (Also, see "Slashy Subtext") Cory thinks hard.

Cory goes to Chubbie's to find Shawn. Mr. Turner is there, and he points out Shawn in the middle of a group of kids: "Your friend's a pretty popular guy." Cory wants to leave, but Shawn invites him to sit down. Cory doesn't want to be seen talking to Shawn; Shawn takes it as an insult until Cory explains it's for Shawn's sake: "I'm a geek!"

Shawn denies that Cory is a geek, and that he himself is cool. "You're Cory; I'm Shawn... What else do you need to know?" Cory insists that Shawn is currently at the center of the "cool party". Shawn says, "Let's bail." Cory thinks Shawn is trying to teach him that if you're truly cool, wherever you go is the cool place to be. Shawn tells him to shut up. Cory thinks that's cool.

Meanwhile, Alan throws his back out. He refuses to get off the couch or try to exercise with Mr. Feeny. Amy entices him with sex. It's creepy.

 **Question:** Who hands out paper invitations to a make-out party? **Highlights:** Harley is vexed at Cory for sitting in his chair. Joey: "Everybody knows that's Harley's chair. Everybody knows it's always been Harley's chair, and it's always gonna be Harley's chair, every year that he's a senior. Ain't that right, Frankie?" Frankie: "What are you saying, I like my sister?" Joey: "No, no, I'm not saying that! I'm just saying you have a very... _close_ family." **Slashy Subtext** At the party, Cory talks to the geeks, Alvin, Simon, and Evaldo. Cory: "What are you doing?" Evaldo: "We're practicing 'Spin the Bottle'!" Cory: "But there are no girls." Simon: "But there might be later!" Cory: "Uh, guys, but I don't think any girls are coming." Evaldo: "Oh well, we don't mind." Simon: "We're all friends." Alvin: "Yeah, we like hanging out together." Simon: "We're very comfortable with what we are." **Fun Facts:** Alan takes an herbal supplement for sexual purposes.

 **Episode Themes:** Cool Shawn, The Bullies, Parent Plot

 **Rating:** 3\. A solid early episode all about how ridiculously cool Shawn is. Fine by me.


	6. 2-7 Wake Up, Little Cory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumors fly that Cory and Topanga "did it."

##  **2-7 Wake Up, Little Cory**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-11-04

 **Writer:** Glen Merzer

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Rumors fly that Cory and Topanga "did it."

**Extendo Summary:**

The class is discussing _Much Ado About Nothing_. Well, Mr. Turner's discussing it; the class is looking bored, even Topanga. Mr. Turner tries to play up Shakespeare: "Love! Sex! Scandal! Where else can you find this stuff?" Cory and Topanga bring up TV shows. Mr. Turner assigns a project: the class is to make documentaries on their friends' and families' attitudes about love and sex. Later, Mr. Feeny expresses his trepidation about the project, but Mr. Turner convinces him to see where the project goes.

There's a bunch of scenes of Cory and Topanga interviewing various people (chiefly bullies) about their attitudes. Mr. Feeny tells them "Not on school property." Mr. Turner says love is the only thing that makes sex worth having; Cory entraps him by asking first if he's ever been in love (no) and then if he's ever had sex (angry look). Eric tries to make the video into a dating service. Amy says sex is like voting. Janitor Bud postulates that the ladies are attracted to his uniform. Etc.

Cory and Topanga decide to work late in the editing room. They use each other's houses as excuses so their parents will let them stay out late. Alan falls asleep waiting up for Cory and so nobody realizes until the next morning that the kids have stayed out all night. Janitor Bud and Mr. Feeny find them lying side-by-side on the floor of the editing room, DEAD. Okay, no. Asleep.

Word gets out quick, and the boys of the school consider Cory their god for having scored. Cory enjoys his newfound status. Later, Topanga confronts him and tells him things aren't so good for her. In her nasal child's-voice she asks, "You want me, Cory? Take me." As long as everyone thinks they slept together, why not do it? Cory's taken aback. He just wanted to be liked. Topanga says she wants her reputation back.

In class, Mr. Turner shows the video. After some footage we've seen, it cuts to Cory in his kitchen. He publicly announces his lack of sexual experience and apologizes to Topanga. From behind the camera, Shawn accuses Cory of loving Topanga and makes kissy noises. Cory denies this and says they're friends. In real life, Topanga turns to Cory. They shake hands and make up.

**Highlights:**

  * Mr. Turner: "That's a good point, Matthews."  
Cory: "So am I done with my education? Can I go?"
  * Shawn (on camera): "Love is really great. And it's even better if you love someone who likes you better than you like her, because then she'll pay for stuff. And if she's paying? Love is way cool."  
Topanga: "That's disgusting!"  
Cory (grinning and rubbing his hands together in glee): "He's my best friend!"
  * Topanga: "I want my good name back!"  
Cory: "Some people would argue that Topanga's not the best name to begin with."
  * Harley's take on love, in typical _Boy Meets World_ bully-as-literary-critic fashion:  
Harley: "When we read these books in class, it seems to me that the authors construct scenes of love which to me do not seem based in reality."  
Cory: "Well, what's your idea of reality?"  
Harley (after thinking a moment): "A moonlit night; the backseat of my Chevy Impala; and the lilt of some sweet girl's voice whispering in my ear, 'Yer crushing my cig-a-rettes.'"



**Episode Themes:** Life Imitates Literature

 **Rating:** 3\. A good episode, and a memorable one; the interviews-on-tape were decent, and it was nice to shake things up visually and get weird close-ups and so forth, but it seems to me that they _could have_ done a lot more with that concept than they did.


	7. 2-8 Band on the Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn start a fake band.

##  **2-8 Band on the Run**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-11-11

 **Writer:** Mark Blutman, Howard Busgang

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn start a fake band.

**Extendo Summary:**

Cory is having trouble combing Chubbie's for a date to the seventh-grade dance, until a couple of garage-band musicians leave their instruments with Cory and Shawn while they get drinks. A couple of girls, mistaking the instruments for Cory's and Shawn's, ask them out. Inspired, Cory and Shawn decide to start a fake band. They have no interest in learning how to play--they just want to meet girls. They begin carrying around empty guitar cases (or, guitar cases carrying nothing but egg salad sandwiches).

        After the band for the upcoming dance cancels at the last minute, Cory and Shawn's groupies volunteer their band for the gig. The boys try to wriggle out of it, but fail, and find themselves alone on the stage. Of course, they can't play, and they're horrible, and everyone leaves in disgust. Everyone but Topanga, who tells Cory he looked cute up there with his little guitar. They dance.

        Meanwhile, Alan is inspired by Cory's adventures to reminisce about his own band days, so he invites all his old bandmates (one of whom is played by the Monkees' Micky Dolenz) to his house. He's disappointed that they've all become so tame in their old age, talking about old-people stuff like cemetery plots and cholesterol. He finally convinces them to jam once more, and they play Doctor Love. All of the other guys sound great, and they talk of getting together to play again in the future. But Alan is ashamed of his poor playing, and assumes he's gotten worse with age. But Amy tells Alan he always played poorly, but back in the day she liked him because he looked so cute up there with his little guitar. They kiss.

**Quotes:**

"Cory, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but we need some guys."  --Shawn[ **  
**](https://web.archive.org/web/20110613154333/http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/bmw/index.php?characterid=2)

**Highlights:**

  * To make themselves look more like a real band, Cory and Shawn decide they need more members, so, after holding band auditions, they hire two guys. Thor has medium-length brown hair, a tie-dyed t-shirt, and a vest, and boasts that all he does is pose. The other guy--with wavy hair that is short but _seems_ long, a penchant for sticking out his tongue, and sporting a Sargeant Pepper-esque parade jacket--has no name, but Cory says, "You gotta have a guy like that."



**Slashy Subtext** A heavy-browed, long-haired, good-looking-musician type attracts Cory's attention.

Cory: "You're not going to ask me to the dance, are you?"

Musician (menacingly): "What if I did?"

Cory: "I'd say, 'Pick me up at eight, and no slow-dances!'"

 **The Cory and Topanga Story:** Cory says he has asked Topanga to dances ever since he was five, but only in a last-minute, just-friends, not-going-with-anyone-else-so-we-may-as-well-go-together situation.

**Wrong!**

  * Cory likes Thor because "he's shorter than me, and he won't steal our chicks." But, he's not shorter than him.
  * When Alan is surprised that Cory and Shawn have a gig mere days after starting their band, bandmate Norm tells Alan, "Kids learn fast these days." Alan glares at the boys, muttering, "Not mine." Hey, Shawn isn't his kid!



**Episode Themes:** Cory and Shawn Hijinks, Parent Plot

 **Rating:** 3\. About an average episode.


	8. 2-9 Fear Strikes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory chokes at a make-out party.

##  **2-9 Fear Strikes Out**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-11-18

 **Writer:** Susan Estelle Jansen

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory chokes at a make-out party.

**Extendo Summary:**

Cory and Shawn are planning on going to a make-out party; Shawn explains the rules of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Eric predicts that Cory will spaz out and be too nervous to kiss anyone. He plays up the dangers of kissing girls with braces, not knowing what to do with your hands, potential flatulence, etc. Cory is shaken, and he's nervous at the party, especially after Shawn abandons him for his own seven minutes. Finally, Cory's name is called-- along with Topanga's.

In the closet, Cory chatters nervously; Topanga suggests they just talk. Cory suggests that, once they leave the room, they pretend they made out. Topanga posits that the only way to get better at kissing is to practice, and has almost convinced Cory to kiss her when their time is up.

At school the next day, Cory and Shawn hope that nobody knows what happened, but they catch Topanga broadcasting far and wide that Cory is "a nice boy."

Cory freaks out and tells his parents he doesn't want to go to school ever anymore-- it's too embarrassing. "Eric told me I'd choke, but did I listen?" he moans. The parents note that Eric is behind all this, and, _Taming of the Shrew_ -like, tell Eric that he can't date anymore until Cory does.

Eric decides to take Cory on a "no-pressure" date to a completely unromantic place. For him, this means a poetry reading at a cafe (which is obviously the Chubbie's set). Cory takes Topanga and, under the influence of beat-poetry about nibbling juicy peaches, they kiss. Cory regains his dating confidence.

Meanwhile, there's a new teacher at school. Mr. Turner asks her out. Things go well. That's about it in that quarter.

**Highlights:**

  * After Shawn's seven minutes in heaven, he wanders dopily out of the closet. Cory asks, "Is that the shirt you went in with?" Shawn gazes down and shakes his head, grinning: "No."
  * Harley makes fun of Cory; when Cory points out that his dull seventh grade problems should be of no interest to him, Harley explains that the seventh-graders are like his own personal ant farm.   
Harley: "And when I hear that one of my little ants is gettin' his legs ripped off, well, I can't miss that!"   
Cory: "And here I thought my life had no meaning."
  * Frankie reads a poem called "Poem of the Fierce and Bloodthirsty Samurai Warrior."  
"Cherry trees are blooming,  
On the third evening, the last flower  
Dies and falls."  
(Okay, so it's not a haiku, exactly.... well, not in English.)



**Slashy Subtext** When Eric offers to double-date with Cory, Cory explains he doesn't know who to take because "The only people who are speaking to me are Shawn and Topanga." Eric assumes this means he will be taking Shawn.

 **Episode Themes:** Whiny Cory, Cool Eric, Cool Shawn

 **Rating:** 3\. Like all season-2 episodes, a bit too sit-commy for my tastes-- I felt like there was an awful lot of extraneous laugh-track--but a fine episode.


	9. 2-10 Sister Theresa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory dates Harley's sister.

##  **2-10 Sister Theresa**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-11-25

 **Writer:** Jeffrey C. Sherman

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory dates Harley's sister.

**Extendo Summary:**

After Amy scolds Cory and tells him to be more polite and considerate, Cory helps a girl who's dropped her books. The girl turns out to be a vaguely New York-accented street tough type called TK. Since Cory is so nice to her, she decides she loves him and starts sending flower baskets and things to his house nonstop. Cory's parents convince him this is creepy behavior but when Cory asks TK to back off, she becomes highly distraught. "I thought you were different, but you're just like every other guy!" Suddenly, the bullies close in, and Cory learns that TK is Harley Kiner's sister. Harley demands that Cory take TK on a nice date.

Shawn and Cory decide to dress Cory is a geeky suit-and-bow-tie getup so that it will look like he's trying, but render him completely unappealing to TK. It doesn't work; once they get to the drive-in (chaufferred and chaperoned by Frankie), TK just pulls off the bow tie. (She also convinces Frankie to get snacks during the remainder of the proceedings.) While TK is getting popcorn, Shawn pops in the other door. (Cory: "How did you get here?" Shawn: "I live just over the fence.") He offers to help Cory escape, but Cory declines.

When TK returns, she tries to make out with Cory, but Cory pulls back and asks to talk. While TK pouts, Cory makes awkward converstion about baseball. TK remarks that she doesn't like baseball; she went to a game once and didn't have a good time. Cory wants to know the story. It turns out TK's father abandoned her at a baseball game. When she was eight. On her birthday. In the rain. (Okay, maybe not in the rain.) She never saw her dad again, and her mother was too "under the weather" to come get her, so Harvey came on his bike. Cory is delighted to learn that Harley's real name is Harvey, but quickly realizes he can't tell anyone because Har(v/l)ey would kill him.

Overjoyed that a young man has shown actual interest in what she has to say, Theresa pounces on Cory; and at that moment, Harley's face appears in the window. Cory bolts; Shawn bikes him to freedom.

The next day at school Cory hides from Harley in his locker, but Harley discovers him while he (Cory) is yelling at Shawn for not taking good enough notes. Harley shoves Shawn into the locker and prepares to beat up Cory for taking advantage of his sister. Cory uses bystanding boys as witnesses to TK's easiness (they disperse when Harley informs them that the K in TK stands for "my sister"). Harley is upset that his sister has gone astray. Cory tells him that she just needs a good example and that Harley will always be the biggest influence in her life. He assures Harley that his sister really loves and respects him. Harley is comforted and hopes that Theresa will continue to date Cory. And so it comes to pass, at least until next episode.

**Highlights:**

  * Turner (reading announcements): "Due to a freezer mishap, fish-kabobs will not be served in the cafeteria today as scheduled."  
(applause; Shawn stands)  
Shawn: "Thank you, thank you."
  * Dressed up for the date in a suit and bow tie, Cory asks Eric how he looks. Eric, aptly: "Like a ventriloquist's dummy."
  * Over the end credits, Theresa, eating with the Matthewses, robotically Eliza Doolittles, "Mis-ter Matthews. Miss-es Matthews. Thank-you-oh-so-very-much for hav-ing me to din-ner in your love-ly home."



**Rants:** It seems like every episode ends with Cory getting together with some girl (last time, it was Topanga) but being single by the start of the next episode. Topanga last week is more excusable because that was just a date that ended in a kiss; if you're Someone Who Dates (as opposed to Someone Who Has Relationships), that doesn't necessarily mean much. (Still, it seems weird that their friendship is so unaffected by kissing. Although Topanga wasn't in this episode; maybe she's avoiding him.) This thing with TK is clearly a relationship, though; and the episode is largely about how difficult a position it puts Cory in, being unable to get out of it even if he wanted to, because of Theresa's and Harley's insistence that it should work out. I suppose we're to believe that TK eventually tired of Cory, because that's the only possible way this thing could end quietly.

 **Episode Themes:** The Bullies

 **Rating:** 3\. Decent. The final dialogue between Cory and Harley was a bit too heartfelt, but otherwise enjoyable.


	10. 2-11 The Beard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn can't decide between two girls, so he has Cory date one for safekeeping.

##  **2-11 The Beard**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-12-09

 **Writer:** Jeff Menell

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Shawn can't decide between two girls, so he has Cory date one for safekeeping.

**Extendo Summary:**

A girl sends Shawn a note while Mr. Turner explains Hamlet. Later, a different girl sends Shawn a note while Mr. Feeny explains the Cuban Missile Crisis. At lunch, Shawn explains that he can't decide between the two girls, Linda and Stacy. Analogizing his meatloaf-vs-chicken lunch decision ("I saw you were having the chicken so I figured if I didn't like the meatloaf I could have some of yours"), he comes up with the brilliant idea of having Cory date one of his potential girlfriends while he tries out the other one, thus keeping Girl A off the market in case things don't work out with Girl B.

Shawn's paralyzed with indecision about which girl to date and which girl to give to Cory. His mind is made up for him when Cory and Linda hit it off during a conversation about Shawn. Cory takes Linda to Chubbie's and shows her how to order, and elaborate process. They discuss Shawn chiefly; Linda thinks he's sweet and a good friend, and kisses him.

Guilty at betraying Shawn's trust, Cory confides in Eric. Eric points out that both boys have girlfriends and everything is fine as long as Shawn stays with Stacy. But the next day, Shawn and Stacy argue. They realize they have nothing in common and split.

Cory runs after Stacy to try to convince her to stay with Shawn. He finds her at Chubbie's, arguing with the burly cook, and shows her how to order. Then he talks about Shawn. Linda enters and finds them together; she jumps to a conclusion, which she immediately tells Stacy, that Cory plan to get girls is to take them to Chubbie's, show them how to order, build up Shawn, then "make his move". Cory denies that he has a move, but the damage is done.

Shawn enters, and the girls tell him that Cory has been trying to sneak his girlfriends behind his back. They feel sorry for him and both promise to call him later. The girls leave, and Shawn is upset: now they're back at square one, and he still has to decide between them. Cory rants that the whole thing was a bad idea and he should have said so from day one when Shawn asked him to babysite one of his girlfriends; at that moment, he realizes the girls have re-entered and are standing behind him. The girls tell off the boys for treating them (the girls) like objects rather than people, and exit in a huff.

Cory and Shawn are left alone. They miss the girls. Shawn assures Cory that he (Shawn) no longer thinks of him (Cory) as "safe." Cory is satisfied to have his friend's respect.

Meanwhile, Amy is trying to decide what kind of car to buy. Alan postulates that women overthink things and men are creatures of action. Expecting Amy to be grateful, he buys the car she most recently wanted, but she's upset because she hadn't 100% decided yet.

**Quotes:**

"How do you know if you're having an idea?" --Shawn[ **  
**](https://web.archive.org/web/20110613154236/http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/bmw/index.php?characterid=2)

**Highlights:**

  * Shawn: "What else do you have to do?"  
Cory: "What do I have to do? I'll have you know my calendar is chock-full."  
Shawn: "With what?"  
Cory: "Well, look, right here. I got, I got Lincoln's Birthday and right after that I got Lincoln's Birthday (Traditional) and then there's Vernal Equinox, and uh... Cinco de Mayo and... re-order... calendar pages... See, I'm so busy I can't even talk to you now!"
  * Shawn: "So you're gonna do this."  
Cory: "Oh, obviously."
  * Eric: "Shawn's saying by putting this girl with you it's like putting her in a storage bin. She's protected. It's like she's going out with bubble wrap."  
Cory: "I'll have you know there are women who think I'm very dangerous."  
Eric: "Like who? Grandma?"  
Cory: "Not just Grandma. (cockily) Although she is very frightened of me."
  * Stacy says she doesn't want to hear Shawn's name anymore, so Cory refers to him as "Merle."
  * As Cory clasps Stacy's hand in an earnest entreaty that she give Shawn another chance, it dawns on him that Linda must be right behind him: "Linda. It's Linda, right? Turning around would only confirm that it's Linda."



**Continuity, Schmontinuity:** Cory refers to Linda as his "first girlfriend." He's evidently forgotten TK, who was indisputably his girlfriend just last week.

 **Episode Themes:** Cory and Shawn Hijinks, Parent Plot

 **Rating:** 4\. A classic season 2 episode. I think the writing was particularly on point today. Although maybe it's brain-rot setting in.


	11. 2-12 The Turnaround

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn make over Cory's nerdy dance date.

##  **2-12 The Turnaround**

**Original Air Date:** 1994-12-16

 **Writer:** Michele Palermo

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn make over Cory's nerdy dance date.

**Extendo Summary:**

It's the Turnaround Dance when the girls ask to boys. Mr. Turner hopes to be asked by Cat Thompson, the music teacher, who is stuck with chaperone duties. After Eric explains that the type of girl that asks you determines your social standing, Cory is afraid no one cool will ask him. Shawn meanwhile takes it in stride, especially after his is almost immediately asked by Becky Schultz, the third coolest girl in their grade, who has a cute short haircut, and who checks out Shawn's crotch as she walks away. Topanga refuses to participate, since the existence of the Turnaround Dance implies that a girl can't ask a boy to a normal dance. (Besides, that weekend her daddy is taking her to New York for Christmas shopping.)

Cory daydreams about getting asked by Allison, a cool girl. As he imagines her asking him, he replies out loud, "Yes, I'd love to." The dream then dissolves into reality, where instead of buxom blond bombshell Alison, a nerdy redhead in a grandma dress and giant glasses is standing before him. "I can't believe it!" she gushes. "An average guy said 'yes' to me!"

Cory explains his problem to his dad, who thinks he is shallow. "Go with the girl you said 'yes' to," he commands. Cory then turns to Eric, who agrees that he should go with Ingrid, because if he dumps her all the girls will know about it. "Remember, women are in constant communication with each other." Eric tells him there is an international women's network and that all the girls online will know by morning if he is mean to one of their kind. (This is 1994; he did say "online," but he couldn't have been talking about the Internet, could he? Either way, WOW.)

Mr. Turner tells the class about _Pygmalion_. "How you speak, how you look, affects people's perceptions of who you are." This inspires Shawn to give Ingrid a cool makeover. They enlist the help of Becky Schultz, since she knows about girls' clothes and stuff.

Becky gives Ingrid a pretty hairstyle and a tight sexy green dress and contacts (apparently courtesy of Instant Contact for TV Makeovers, Inc.), instantly transforming her to a state of gorgeosity. Shawn thinks there is still something missing: Ingrid isn't exotic enough. Ingrid informs them that she has family in Sweden. Shawn decides he can work with that, especially when Ingrid tells him that naked women on the beach is no big deal in Sweden. Cory thinks the whole thing is going to blow up in their face, but Ingrid won't let them give up, screaming, "I WANT TO BE POPULAR!"

The next day Becky and Shawn induct Ingrid into the leagues of the cool. It seems everything is going well--until Ingrid cancels her date with Cory. She has asked a cooler boy, and is much more excited about going out with him. Cory is upset until he is almost immediately re-asked by Alison.

At the dance Alison leaves to go dance with her boyfriend Danny. She explains that her parents won't let her date ninth-graders so she always has a classmate take her to dances, then meets up with her boyfriend. Everyone knew that--everyone but Cory, apparently.

Cory sits alone at a table until a soaked Ingrid appears. She tells him she was with a bunch of cool kids who were talking about how cool it would be to jump in the pool, but she was the only who did it. They decide that if they had just gone to the dance together, as themselves, they might have had a nice time. They wonder if maybe there's still time. It seems they are going to spend the rest of their evening together, until a presumably relatively popular boy comes up to Ingrid and tells her he thought her pool stunt was cool. Ingrid dances with him.

Now Cory has been dumped three times for the same dance; Eric's date's ex-boyfriend is back in town, and things aren't over between them, and she hopes he'll understand; and Shawn's date Becky is "in the bathroom for six hours as usual." (This seems odd; she seemed to enjoy his company before the dance. And why would she ask Shawn out so promptly if she didn't want to enjoy the dance with him?) Shawn, Eric and Cory spend the remainder of the dance together.

**Quotes:**

"Great. Now I have to find an above average girl who is into destructive, gender-biased thinking." --Cory

"See, there's this guy that looks like me and sounds like me, but he's not me. Now, I reported him to the police, but they just keep arresting me!"  --Cory

"Turnaround dance, huh? Merry Christmas to me."  --Shawn

**Highlights:**

  * Shawn always walks up to Cory at precisely the moment he is dumped or gets a new date. "I'm tapped into the Girls Network."
  * Shawn and Cory make a picture of the girl they want Ingrid to become by cutting pieces out of magazines, then give the composite to Morgan to run upstairs to the girls.  
Morgan: "She's scary looking."  
Cory: "Boys like that."
  * Shawn thinks a girl should have an exotic name like "Amaretta or Frangelica or Kahlua."
  * Shawn: "So, Cory's going out with Ingrid, right? Did you know that she's Swedish?"  
Becky (shill-like): "Sweden, huh? Is it true what they say?"  
Shawn: "Yah! They sunbathe in the nude!"  
Becky: "Amazing! What about the schools?"  
Shawn: "Nude."  
Becky: "The malls?"  
Shawn: "Nude! At the Gap all they sell are hats. Hey! Here she comes now! (pause; louder) Here she comes now!"  
Ingrid and Cory come walking in, amidst whoos and whistles from the extras (not the audience, for once!).  
Boy: "Wow! She's so--"  
Shawn: "Cool?"  
Boy: "Yeah. But what's with the clothes?"  
Shawn: "Well, it's really not for me to say, but underneath the clothes? Nude."
  * Cory, Eric and Shawn get a picture to remember the dance by.  
Cory: "We smile now, and in twenty years, if anyone asks, our dates were in the bathroom."  
Shawn: "Hey, mine really is."  
Photographer: "Everyone say 'cheese.'"  
Shawn: "You gotta say 'dumped'."  
Eric: "Dumped."  
Cory: "Dumped."  
Shawn (winning smile): "Cheese."



**Episode Themes:** Cory and Shawn Hijinks, Life Imitates Literature

 **Rating:** 4\. Classic for its introduction of the Girls Network concept (which was the name of my Windows Internet connection for years), and I think the structure of the plot works pretty well.


	12. 2-13 Cyrano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn help Frankie woo.

##  **2-13 Cyrano**

**Original Air Date:** 1995-01-06

 **Writer:** Susan Estelle Jansen

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn help Frankie woo.

**Extendo Summary:**

Mr. Turner lectures on _Cyrano de Bergerac_. Topanga, along with a chorus of girls going "yeah," think Cyrano's romantic. Cory and Shawn and the male chorus think he's a dip.

We cut to the bullies. Harley's arguing with his girlfriend, Gloria. Gloria feels underappreciated because Harley won't pick her up at her door, but just honks from his car. Joey chatters nervously while Frankie has some "quiet time." Cory and Shawn wander in, laughing about how greasy Harley's hair is; Harley catches them and menaces accordingly. Cory tries to talk his way out of it, saying that in some countries his comment could have been considered a compliment ("for example, Greece!") Shawn tries to redirect his attention to his lovely girlfriend by laying on the compliments. Gloria convinces Harley not to dole out punishment (because there always has to be a reason that the inevitable pounding doesn't happen), but Harley sends Frankie to take care of the boys instead.

In a classroom, Frankie offers the boys a choice: They can get killed or do Frankie a favor. They choose the latter. The favor is using their fast-talking and charming skills to help Frankie woo a girl. At Cory's house, they give Frankie lessons; Frankie, fearing he'll never be able to figure out what to say in front of an actual girl, stuffs Cory and Shawn in his locker. Shawn whispers prompts while Frankie talks to his lady-love in the hall.

Everything goes swimmingly, and after a few rounds of speech Frankie gathers up his courage and is able to ask the girl out on his own. Busting out of the locker pleased with a job well done, Shawn and Cory discover that the girl is none other than Harley's girlfriend Gloria.

Meanwhile, Amy and Alan are fighting because Alan bought Amy a trash compacter for their anniversary. Mr. Feeny points out to Alan that he screwed up by explaining that Amy probably wanted him to give her a gift he had to think about, not just to fulfill a mundane appliance-wish she's stated.

Anyway, Harley finds the boys acting nervous and worms the story out of them. The three go to Chubbie's and find Frankie mid-date with Gloria. Frankie admits to his betrayal and by way of explanation acknowledges the depth of his passion. Gloria is charmed. Harley and Gloria fight. Apparently the only gift Harley ever got Gloria was tires. Cory mentions that his parents are going through a similar argument but that they always work things out.

Harley goes to Cory's house where he finds Amy. He asks for advice. "What do women want?" Amy says they want to be appreciated. She says Gloria probably thinks about Harley a lot, so Harley should think about Gloria. Alan enters and agrees. Harley decides he will give Gloria what she wants; and what she wants right now is Frankie. Over the end credits, we see Frankie and Gloria together while Cory brags to Mr. Turner that he Cyrano-matchmade them (although really, it was mostly Shawn).

**Highlights:**

  * Shawn flirts with Gloria until Harley orders him to turn it off. Shawn steps back: "Turning it off, sir!"
  * At Cory's, Cory and Shawn help Frankie practice wooing. "Pretend this is her," says Cory, holding up a lamp. Frankie frowns: "Could the pillow be her?" Cory holds up the pillow to his face and, as Shawn prompts Frankie to compliment "her" dress, falsettos a vaguely Southern drawl: "Oh, this old thing?"
  * Shawn brainstorms witness-protection schemes: "We dress up as girls, pretend we're our out-of-town cousins, and say we haven't seen ourselves."  
Cory: "Shawn, that would never work."  
Shawn: "Oh yeah, tell that to my uncle Mary."
  * Amy and Harley have a nice moment over tea reminiscent of (though predating) the relationship between Spike and Joyce on _Buffy_.



**Continuity, yay!**

  * As in **2-10 Sister Theresa** , the Kiner family matriarch is a lush: Harley: "I'd go to my own mother, but it's four o'clock p.m. so she's out cold."
  * The conversation about Shawn's cross-dressing scheme foreshadows a number of future BMW moments. Uncle Mary is referenced again in **3-2 The Double Lie**. Shawn does eventually dress as a girl in **4-15 Chick Like Me** , although it's for a newspaper article, not a witness protection thing. But in **7-11 What a Drag!** , Eric and Jack do the whole _Some Like It Hot_ thing for that exact reason.



**Rants:** I don't like all this talk about how men are like this and women are like this. Really, the central point of contention in this episode (the idea of making people feel appreciated through romantic gestures and so-called 'thoughtful' gifts) is far more of a F/T personality type conflict than anything intrinsically male-ish or female-ish. Maybe I'm just T (I am), but I would much rather get an "unromantic" present I said I wanted than a generically romantic thing like some dumb diamond or something.

 **Episode Themes:** The Bullies, Life Imitates Literature, Cory and Shawn Hijinks

 **Rating:** 3\. A solid season-2er. I like the bullies, but, as I've said, I can't like all this men are from Mars crap.


	13. 2-14 I Am Not A Crook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory runs for class president.

##  **2-14 I Am Not A Crook**

**Summary by:**

**Original Air Date:** 1995-01-13

 **Writer:** Steve Young

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory runs for class president.

**Extendo Summary:**

Cory can't figure out a club to join next year because he doesn't know who he is. He's not smart or artsy or sportsy: he's just "honest, loyal, and decent." Mr. Turner announces the election for class president, and Shawn convinces Cory to run as an average-guy candidate, "honest, loyal, and decent." Shawn is his campaign manager and the thing quickly spirals out of control as Shawn convinces Cory to make elaborate promises. The competition, a nerdy guy called Alvin Meese, attacks Shawn's character by providing evidence that he once said girls were icky. Shawn insists he no longer considers girls icky, and Alvin calls him a "flip-flopper." Popular demand insists that Cory either drop Shawn or drop out of the race. Cory drops Shawn, and Shawn's hurt.

Alan talks to Cory while Cory is working on his campaign speech. Alan expresses disapproval of the wild promises. Cory says once he gets elected, he'll make good, small changes-- better food in the cafeteria, clean up the graffiti, and all that--and the promises are just to get elected. Alan thinks he should go back to his honest, loyal, and decent roots.

There's an assembly to give speeches. As a last-minute change, Shawn has decided to run. He criticizes Cory for making wild promises. Cory argues that he just said what Shawn told him to say. "Yeah, if I said jump off a bridge, would you do that too?" Shawn askes. "Well, yeah, I did that once. Don't you remember?" Alvin criticizes Cory for being dumb enough to jump off a bridge, and Shawn and Cory band together against him. Alvin screams "My mother does _Not_ pick out my clothes!" with no provocation and, embarrassed, runs away. Cory and Shawn are friends again, so Cory makes a pretty speech about how he hasn't been very honest, loyal, or decent at all, and he's withdrawing: "I think everyone here should vote for Shawn. He's really the best friend you could have." Shawn also withdraws, leaving exactly zero candidates.

Unsatisfied with this outcome, Topanga stands up from the audience and gives a speech about how the class needs a leader, and how, if elected, she'll make all those little changes (cafeteria food, graffiti clean-up) that make the school a better place. Everyone cheers, and the right person wins. (Though, I don't believe there is ever any reference again to Topanga being president.)

**Quotes:**

"I'm gonna put together a campaign like this school's never seen-- an unstoppable tidal wave gathering snow, blazing through the sky, crushing everything in its beak!"  --[ **Shawn**](https://web.archive.org/web/20110613154214/http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/bmw/index.php?characterid=2)

**Highlights:**

  * Topanga, when Alvin asks her to nominate him: "No, go away, and don't look at me."
  * Amy reads Cory's campaign commercial script. "Open on Cory, eating pizza for breakfast. 'Cory does pretty much whatever he wants. Why? Because his parents are dead.'"
  * Alvin claims to have dirt on Cory and Shawn.  
Cory: "Does he have anything on us?"  
Shawn: "No, he's bluffing." (suddenly nervous) "Look, a lot of weird stuff goes on in the trailer park."



**The More You Know:** There 400 kids in their 8th grade class.

 **Huh?** Throughout the whole process, Mr. Feeny is extremely disapproving, as usual, blames Mr. Turner for what he calles Turner's "experiment in democracy". Indeed, Turner is sort of making up the rules of the process as he goes along, even though it seems like they already have a class-president system in place and it's not clear why Turner is in charge.

 **Episode Themes:** Cory and Shawn Hijinks

 **Rating:** 3\. Yep. Good enough. Nothing really amazing or really annoying.


	14. 2-15 Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard To Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory's new girlfriend refuses to accept their breakup.

##  **2-15 Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard To Do**

**Original Air Date:** 1995-01-27

 **Writer:** Howard Busgang

 **Director:** Jeff McCracken

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory's new girlfriend refuses to accept their breakup.

**Extendo Summary:**

Shawn has the brilliant idea that Cory should ask a blonde called Wendy to be his girlfriend so he can have a date for a "couples only" dinner party some other seventh-graders are throwing. Cory thinks it would be wrong, but Shawn convinces him it's expected. Wendy happily agrees to enter into a couple type relationship with Cory. Over the next week, Wendy acts very maternal and possessive, memorizing his schedule; straightening his clothes and sending him off to class with a kiss; asking him what he's going to be doing this summer. Cory asks Shawn for advice and when he hears they've been dating for a week, he cries, "Oh, break UP!" He thinks one should date lots of different people, and a week is too long to be in one relationship. So, sheeplike as ever, Cory writes Wendy a break-up note to pass during class. But when Mr. Turner reads Wendy's poem called "Leave Me And I'll Die," Cory hastily asks for the note back. Wendy reads the note anyway and runs out in tears, and Cory follows her and convinces her it was all a misunderstanding and they aren't broken up at all.

Coming back from school with Shawn, Cory agrees that it is probably time to end things with Wendy-- she's moving too fast. He decides to call and tell her that. Walking into the kitchen, Cory and Shawn find Wendy standing behind the counter in a darling apron, helping Amy make dinner. They gasp in horror.

At dinner, Alan is horrified, and Amy is charmed, by Wendy, who is a fantastic cook, and who offers to make them Belgian waffles. Cory waffles (ha! ha!) between delight at the prospect of delicious breakfast foods and a sort of detached, vaguely amused horror at hearing about Wendy's plans to grow up with Cory and get married and have three kids and be like her grandparents who have been together sixty-six years. Wendy goes upstairs to play with Morgan and Cory and Alan agree that she's insane. Amy thinks she's a sweet girl playing house, but is swayed when Wendy runs downstairs with a photo of Amy in her wedding dress, declaring that she hopes she'll wear that dress someday.

The next day Cory tells Shawn he tried to break up with Wendy at her doorstep, but instead she just took him inside and he had a sing-a-long with her big family, in which "the men don't say much," Cory observes. He's pretty much resigned to becoming one of them. Shawn agrees Cory's is a hopeless case and leaves. Alone, Cory drifts into a dream sequence about what it will be like when they're all old, and he and Wendy have been married ninety years. In the dream, Shawn is still happily patrolling for ladies on a night-by-night basis, while Cory himself, a wisecracking old klepto, makes fun of Wendy, but deep down loves her and the life she's made for him.

Cory and Wendy eat at Chubbie's. Cory's resignation is colored now with contentedness. He admits, in a here's-a-funny-story sort of way, that when he initially asked Wendy out he wasn't looking for a life commitment-- just for a date to the party. Wendy realizes Cory lied to her, and, loathe to base her entire future on a lie, breaks up with him. She exits; Shawn enters. Happy that Cory's a free man again, Shawn asks him to double-date, but Cory wants to stay in: "I miss Wendy."

Meanwhile, Eric's not allowed to date anymore until he gets his grades up, so Jason introduces him to a dating substitute: a getting his hair cut by a sexy hairdresser.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Mr. Feeny hustles Mr. Turner in a racquetball game.

**Highlights:**

  * Shawn's poem, "Welfare", is read in front of the class. I can't decide if this is a continuity, yay thing or not, since he later turns out to be, like, actually a poet. Anyway, Mr. Turner reads the poem:  
"My uncle Ralph he does not care  
Cause twice a month he gets welfare.  
My uncle Chuck has nylon hair  
He bought the rug with his welfare.  
(skimming) Old Corvair... Long nose hair... electric chair."
  * Cory asks Wendy, "Is this the face of a guy who wants to break up?" The face he then gives is priceless and involves the raising of various eyebrows.
  * Alan (conversationally): "Hey guys, where ya been?"  
Eric (unprovokedly defensive): "Hey, I can get a haircut, as many as I want!"
  * During dinner Alan pulls Cory aside to talk. The entirety of their conversation is as follows:  
Alan: "Nutcase?"  
Cory: "Ya think?"
  * Mr. Feeny shows up at the end of Cory's daydream sequence as an authoritarian waiter who demands that Oldster Cory pay for the rolls and Sweet'n'Low packets he stole. As Cory drifts back to reality-- where the real Feeny is standing with an annoyed expression on his face-- Cory cries deliriously, "This is coming out of your tip!"



**Continuity, yay!** When Alan warns Eric he can't coast on his looks all his life, Eric protests, "But all I want to be is a weatherman."

 **Slashy Subtext:**  Eric describes Leonardo da Vinci as a "raven-haired beauty."

**Episode Themes:**

**Rating:** 3\. I really don't have much to say about these season 2 episodes: they're consistently watchable, if low on the fantastic moments. The problem really lies in the fact that Eric hadn't quite come into his prime yet, I think.


	15. 2-16 Danger Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Feeny try to prove that they're dangerous.

##  **2-16 Danger Boy**

**Original Air Date:** 1995-02-03

 **Writer:** Glen Merzer

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Feeny try to prove that they're dangerous.

**Extendo Summary:**

Eric's girlfriend's thirteen-year-old cousin is coming from New York. Realizing the only way he'll get to spend time with his girl is if he scrounges a date for her cousin, Eric suggests Cory. Cory runs in crying "I'm a fountain!" and spitting water from his mouth. The girlfriend vetoes the brother. Shawn comes down to get a drink and compliments the girl; she suggests her cousin date this one. Eric pushes for Cory since Cory is his brother, but the girlfriend kisses him until she gets her way.

Cory goes to Chubbie's and discovers the double-date in progress. Of course, he's upset that Eric picked Shawn over him, because that's the kind of guy he is. He realizes he's not "dangerous" enough (although it seems to me that he was really vetoed for his immaturity).

Meanwhile, Mr. Feeny is upset because all the other teachers immediately assumed he'd be faculty advisor for the chess club. He wishes people would stop assuming based on manner of dress, speech, etc.

Cory and Feeny decide that they will have to do something to prove that they are dangerous, so they go on a dangerous new roller coaster that you have to sign a waiver to ride. Eric and Mr. Turner show up in time to try to talk them out of it, but they go anyway. They come back with their faces frozen in a horrible rictus of fear. Realizing they engaged in dumb-ass behavior just because of what Eric and Mr. Turner, respectively, thought, they (Cory and Feeny) trick them (Eric and Turner) into the car and demand that the ride be turned on. Revenge! (Only, Eric and Turner didn't really do anything. Well, Eric sort of did, but it was his girlfriend that made snap judgements about Cory and Shawn; and it was actually a different teacher (one played by Mimi from the Drew Carey show) and not Turner who made the first assumption about Feeny. So... kind ill-place revenge. But whatever!)

Meanwhile, Amy and Alan get mad at each other for wasting money: Amy with an expensive haircut that looks just like her old one and Alan by losing it in a poker game.

**Highlights:**

●       Chubbie (played by a distinctly less menacing guy than when we last saw him, in **2-11 "The Beard"** ) has nicknames for Cory and Shawn: Cory's "Curly" and Shawn's "Foxy."

●       Eric admits that "if pressed" he'd have to rate Cory as slightly less dangerous than lime jello. By way of reassurance he adds, "Some people think lemon!"

●       In class Feeny recounts how Harry S. Truman, a mild-mannered sweater-vest wearer, brought about a decisive end to World War II and then got re-elected; overidentifying, he triumphantly crows, "Ha-ha!" I feel like it's a rare moment in this episode when Mr. Feeny is humanized in a way that is actually consistent with his character.

●       A predictable joke, but well delivered:

●       Eric: "Cory, get out of that car, it's not safe, you'll kill yourself! Mr. Feeny, enjoy the ride!"

 **Huh?** Mr. Feeny consistently demands that the ride be started up using the phrase "Light that candle!" Does he actually think it's candle-powered?

 **Episode Themes:** Feeny as Human, Whiny Cory, Cool Eric

 **Rating:** 2\. Not too bad, but it lacked, somehow. It felt... short. Not really complex. And, I don't know-- Feeny was a little out of character, and the whole date thing didn't really set up the whole danger thing. I mean, if they wanted to do "Cory's too safe" episode, they could (and have) done it more consistently.


	16. 2-17 On the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory and Shawn go on the radio.

##  **2-17 On the Air**

**Original Air Date:** 1995-02-10

 **Writer:** Howard Busgang

 **Director:** David Trainer

 **Capsule Summary:** Cory and Shawn go on the radio.

**Extendo Summary:**

Alvin Meese, season 2's answer to Minkus, has resurrected the ten-years-dead John Adams High Patriot Radio. He and Mr. Feeny broadcast the first show, which plays Perry Como and Minudo music at lunch. The kids all hate it. "You don't like what you hear, get on the air and do better," Mr. Turner tells Cory and Shawn. The boys quickly get on the air but find themselves constricted by Mr. Feeny's program notes. They are assigned to talk to a student council member about a bake sale. Cory tries to shake things up by asking about the "dark side" of bake sales, while Shawn merely whines and sulks.

Finally, they get a caller who's not looking for "Ludwig and the German Hour": a male friend of the student council girl calls up to profess his crush on her and ask her out. Cory tries to get the show back on topic, but Shawn knows a good thing when he sees it and runs with it, narrating enthusiastically: "She's blushing, Spence!" "And we have a date!" Soon, a passel of girls arrive at the door to the radio room. They want to go on the radio and make dates, too. "That's what we're here for!" Cory and Shawn call their new show "Lunchtime Lust."

Feeny is not pleased with Lunchtime Lust, which he says is in bad taste; he fires Cory and Shawn. The boys argue with him about the first amendment. Feeny says the bill of rights is intended for people with a sense of responsibility. ("If it doesn't apply to us, why do we hafta learn it?" Shawn whines.) Next, the boys talk to Mr. Turner. Although Turner is skeptical at first, he is eventually won over and promises he'll talk to Feeny on the boys' behalf. Cory is discouraged; he doesn't think Mr. Turner will have any success with Feeny.

So, the boys decide to take matters into their own hands: after consulting with Alvin on the workings of the radio station, they tie up Ludwig and hijack the equipment for a pirate broadcast. On the air they are revolutionary, describing themselves as rebels and encouraging the students to dance in the halls instead of going to class. It's actually bad timing, because Turner had just basically convinced Mr. Feeny to give the boys a second chance, and now both teachers are enraged. After Shawn slips up and references the mop and buckets, Feeny finds them in the janitor's closet.

Feeny leaves the boys in the radio room with Turner while he attends to poor Ludwig. Turner scolds the boys and asks why they felt they had to do this. He flips the switch so that the boys inadvertently broadcast themselves giving a heartfelt speech about how they feel like they don't fit in and they need to be on the radio to make a name for themselves (well, mostly Cory speechifies; Shawn just shrugs and says "yeah" when Turner asks if that's how he feels, too). A ton of calls come in, showing the boys they aren't alone. And we all learn a valuable lesson about not exercising your right to free speech.

Oh, and then Ludwig comes with men to arrest them for tying him up, which I think is a nice reality check. If only the next episode showed them languishing in prison.

Meanwhile, Eric signs up for a bunch of magazines in an attempt to win the Publishers Clearinghouse.

**Highlights:**

  * Shawn tries to end the suffering of Mr. Feeny's radio show by opening the speaker and trying furiously to cut the wires with a plastic spoon.
  * When Turner suggests the boys take action, Shawn defends his idle lifestyle, insisting "Don't wanna do nothin'."
  * Cory: "Shawn, all we have to do is sit around talking."  
Shawn: "Like we are now?"  
Cory: " _Maybe_ you have to push a button."  
Shawn (suspiciously): "How hard?"
  * When Mr. Feeny catches the boys in the janitor closet, Shawn freezes and out of the corner of his mouth tells Cory, "Don't... move. Maybe... he doesn't... see us."
  * Feeny zing!  
Ludwig: "I'm not accustomed to being so ill-used!"  
Feeny: "Yes, well, you're young yet."



**Slashy Subtext:** Cory conversationally calls his friend "my Shawn".

 **Episode Themes:** Cory and Shawn Hijinks, Dumb Eric

 **Rating:** 4\. Classic Cory and Shawn hijinks. And a pretty good, realistic conflict; I like the interplay between the kids, Turner, and Feeny, especially how Turner both scolds them and fights for them. The free speech issue is an interesting one, too, although I felt it could be a little more clearly delineated _why_ Cory and Shawn don't need to agree with Feeny's interpretation of free speech in order to understand that it was wrong to hijack the station. Of course, everything has to come back to Cory's damn identity issues in the end, but I guess that's the theme of the season. Still, Cory: get it together. You're Shawn's friend. That is who you are. Live it, learn it, love it.


End file.
